Ugly

Lately I have been considering the possiblity of the existence of an extremely smeared line between right and wrong. How are we all supposed to be non-judging in such a judgmental world? How do you steer someone in the right direction without judging them; taking it upon yourself to tell them they are heading in the wrong direction is judging in and of itself, is it not? Something that is wrong to me could be completely right to another person; so who am I to judge what they are doing is wrong or right? Where do these sense of morals come from and since when did the lines of black and white all mix together to form so many different shades of gray???

In my opinion, morality comes from the only truly good thing that there is in existence, which is God. However, since we are all human- there is no way we are all going to agree on what is right and wrong. Things I used to think would be considerable easy to decipher between right and wrong, are now so gray that I can't tell which direction is forward or back. How can I consider myself a good person when I am questioning the morality of a situation and then going on with my human instincts? Do I consider myself a good person? Should I? The way different emotions tugg and pull on my already delicate heart strings create this melody of longing and confusion that gets so mixed up it forms the most intense and intricate cluster ever imaginable. How on earth do you unwrap that and figure it out? If my heart has turned gray, what hope is there for the white light to push its way back in? Is it a dirty heart now that it is tainted by the blackness? Is it really still a pure heart with the best intentions?

I went into this "situation" with the best of intentions; but because I am human, I am failing miserably in areas I thought I would have glided gracefully through without having a second thought. In a life that is passing by in the fastest of blinks, what do you do with something that makes time feel like it doesn't even exist? What do you do with something that makes you feel ALIVE, in a world that makes you feel so small? How do you choose what would normally seem like an easy choice when everything has been scribbled all over with a big huge black permanent marker? Why does nobody understand me? Why do I feel so alone? Why am I such a bad person?