Hiding Place

This fascination seems to be taking me places. I get lost in the middle of the mixed melodies. I keep having to search for myself in the middle of it all and pick me up out of it. . . either that-- or realize that is where I am supposed to be at the present moment. I fixate on imaginary things that could be reality--but staying back in the shadows hinders my abilities to know the truth; to learn what is real. I often wonder if the reason I am so afraid of running after facts is that if I were to uncover them - they would crush all my idealistic beauties and I would no longer be as joyful as I am in my ignorance. I live on a constantly changing fence -- where everything on both sides is always changing as well. But how do I decide which side to fall into if the foundation I am on itself is constantly changing? Balancing is a hard concept for me to embrace-- you would think it would be better to run one way and go with it. At least it would be a foundation of choice rather than making none at all and standing waveringly, all alone. Never quite knowing who I am deep down is what seems to be the question of my life. Why I am I always wondering who I am and what I am supposed to be doing and in which direction am I supposed to be headed-- instead of just being? If I am a being and I am "being"-- then I am exactly who I am supposed to be...and thought and rationality really have no need for existence over that. It is simply, how it is, was and will be. I am being who I am. Perhaps the being of indecision is exactly where I am placed at this moment for a purpose. A purpose that will someday reveal itself. Then I will be wondering how I got there in the first place...and somehow...in the vastness of it all - something will bring me back . . . back to this very instant-- and then it will all make perfect sense.