Is it a date or just a friendly dinner?

When do you know when you've got yourself a date?

I met a guy - we'll call him Matt, through a close friend of mine at the end of July at a cocktail party. The three of us had casual conversation for a couple of hours and discussed getting together again for drinks. We were all pretty booked with busy work schedules and summer plans, so the next time we all met for drinks was sometime near the end of September.

We discussed exes, breakups - not wanting anything serious for a long time...the next person we date - more than likely being a rebound for Matt, etc. We all took turns paying for drinks and talked about trying to be better about meeting up more often. Matt emailed my friend and said he had fun at drinks and we should all get together again - but he didn't send me anything, she simply informed me of his message.

I emailed Matt a few weeks later to schedule a time to get-together for drinks again. This time, it ended up being just Matt and I sometime early November. I paid for the first round because I owed him from the last time we had drinks. We were well on our way to a great friendship; knew details of past relationships, parents, schooling....not once did he seem interested in anything other than a friendship. Once again, we promised to try to be better about contacting one another.

I ended up texting him a week or so later and we made tentative plans to grab drinks after the Thanksgiving holiday. Now - keep in mind, we have probably contacted each other a little over a hand-full of times in three months. After Thanksgiving, I get a text saying he hasn't forgotten about tentative drinks but is busy for the week - let's grab dinner Monday night? I wasn't sure how to respond but Monday didn't work either way - I let him know any other night would work better apart from Monday. He chose Thursday and said he would be down around my house that day - why not just pick me up at my house at 7:30? I said, hey why not - perfect!

This is just dinner to me. Friends having dinner - this is not a date, right? When I share this information with co-workers, colleagues and friends - they all have the same reaction: they laugh at me and say it's a date and I feel really, very naive.

So what constitutes a date these days? I am making a check list of what would be a date if it "WERE" actually a date. First off, do you walk to her door when you arrive at the house? Do you open the car door? How about restaurant door - because that is just a polite gesture. Does the location of dinner count ? - does it matter how nice it is or if it's just a pub? If he pays - does that automatically qualify that it is an "actual date?" If he brings me back home and drops me off -- clearly that is "just friends". If he walked me to my door- I think that would be a date.

So what would make this more than just a friendly dinner. . . I don't yet have the answers or the determining factors narrowed down... but for now, I am sticking with friends having dinner. I guess we will see what actually happens tonight.

No Longer Mine

Falling through this life was all I knew
I just kept going through the motions
Meeting new people but nothing ever took
But somehow you changed that with just one look
Instead of drifting through space
I fell past the iris of your eyes
You breathed something into my being
Showed me something that was worth seeing
You unwrapped me carefully
All the while drenching me with your love
You took the time to let me see
All you ever really wanted was the real me
Breathing was more intoxicating with you near
The time between us just a catalyst
My body aches to be with you everyday
I never knew I could feel this way
I am overwhelmed by your presence
With you is where I belong
I fall in love with you more all the time
Oh but wait . . . you are no longer mine

You Would Not Exist

If I could peel back the fake and try to find you underneath
I wonder how small the you I found would be
Perhaps a small rock I could hold in my hand
Or maybe even smaller, a single grain of sand
Would you be the size of your cold heart
Would I be able to tear you apart
Could you recognize the significance
Of being solid truth if only for an instant
I wish I had a glimpse of how you'd look
Perhaps then, I would not have mistook
All the lies as a form of truth
All your words wouldn't have been so smooth
Would that be enough to change my mind
Could I make up for all the lost time
Would you be big enough to get to me
Or simply too small for me to see

A Teardrop

I was a teardrop that fell down your cheek
But I didn't taste salty - instead I was sweet
You didn't try to catch me - as if I was something you could keep
You just let me fall - you let me leave a streak
I slid wet down your skin and continued to seep
Settled in your bones - some where down deep
I was something you longed for - something you had to seek
You replayed me in your mind - dreamt of me in your sleep
Searched the world to find me - so we could finally meet
I made you feel alive - and at the same time made you weak
You kissed me just right and swept me off of my feet
Made me fall for you too - I finally took the leap

I Am Gone

I run into the fire expecting not to get burned
Then I ignite from within, another table turned
You think you have me, but another lesson you have to learn
That bridge you crossed is now in my urn
There is nothing there but a bunch of ashes
Hate letters, hurtful words and a box of used matches
Let go of the wheel and of course the car crashes
EVERY THING you ever did clashes
With the words you chose that night
I should have put up a fight
But I got lost in plain sight
Hid behind what I thought was right
You turned into a different man
Someone I couldn't understand
You messed up all of our plans
Packed up your emotions and ran
Didn't care about me or stop to look back
Just kept running down a one way track
You didn't leave me any slack
Took a stance and began your attack
Didn't look in the mirror to see the new you
Couldn't see you weren't being true
In everything you did and what you would do
It's like I was the only one who knew
The real you was buried somewhere deep inside
Something took hold of you and sent you on a ride
Before you knew it, you started to slide
Lost your footing and got buried alive
By the time you saw the light there was no way out
This is exactly what I tried to warn you about
Let you know you were on the wrong route
But it didn't matter because you shut me out
Now you come back to admit I was right
But this bird has already taken flight
There's no way to see me with your sight
I stopped crying over you at night
Because you don't want to be what I need
You promised me that you wouldn't leave
But you just kept on pushing me
And wanting me to set you free
Your pride took over and wouldn't let you see
Blinding you from knowing what we could be
You didn't care about any of my pleas
Just kept doing whatever you pleased
Suddenly you are back telling me you agree
But you are too far gone to see the irony

So tell me now . . .
Is. life. really. better. without me?

You Will Melt Away With The Snow

and then i let you go
everything i used to know
I let melt away with the snow
this is going to help me grow
no longer entertained by your show
a new life i will sew
one in which you are just a ghost
the memory of you haunts me the most
but you can move on to the next host
now set the cruise and just coast

Push

what is wrong with my beautiful heart
that I always let relationships fall apart
and bury myself under all these scars
not care about who any of you are
get caught up in another one to make a new scar
I don't even remember how I got this far
sit down and have another drink at the bar

look at my phone and remember who you were
alone in my head thoughts start to stir
bring back memories that are just a blur
drink so much my words start to slur
drunken thoughts create a perfect picture
questioning what it was that made me so sure

but all these pictures are faces with names
for some reason they keep seeming to change
same avenue but a different lane
just aching and waiting for that new pain
someone to mark me up so I'll never be the same
send him packing on the next crazy train
I'll find someone new to blame in my game
protect my heart and live in refrain
that way I can hate all of you in vain