Inside My Head

I think it's so funny that I always try to find the reason for my life and the meaning of it all. Even though, it constantly changes with each decision, every single second of my life... and in the meantime of all the questioning and worry about what I am here for--I find myself living a life that is, in fact, the exact life I was meant to live.

I always wonder and think about everything!:

-What am I still doing here?
-How do I have these thoughts and feelings five million times each day?
-Why do things happen?
-Why do I think things happen for a reason?
-Why do I feel like God has a grand scheme designed just for me? Does every person feel like they have one?
-Are all these feelings normal or am I really that weird?!

People say that true happiness is separating that little voice in your head from your self, because those "thoughts" are a completely separate entity. Which I guess is something proven by my first thought--because I am living a completely normal and blessed life in spite of my brain thinking all those things all alone in my head! In that brief moment it almost seemed too simple and easy to separate the two--but really it is one of the most complex issues I have ever had to try and figure out.

I suppose I could look at my brain as the interpreter of what my inner being is trying to say- and with that recognize that they really are two separate things. The brain just mixes up everything I am feeling inside by trying to translate it into the English language so that I can then understand it. But these feelings are beyond comprehension when they finally escalate to the form of some sort of word or thought. That would definitely explain some of my craziness when trying to figure everything out in my life. What am I supposed to do with all these feelings then and why do I always feel the best way to try and interpret them is to write them down; if they aren't going to make sense in my head, why would they make sense on paper?

What I am learning from all this craziness and non-sense is the only things I should be focused on are the present and what I can do with it for others and for myself at this instant. All we have is today. I should try to live life like this more often. No sense in worrying about all these things- they all fall into the perfect place at the right time. Sometimes the brain is just confusing you more. Just feel and let it be. Live in the moment. Each day is a new day- take it for all that it's worth-- because tomorrow....it will be gone.